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Okay, so tonight I went

Okay, so tonight I went to a birthday dinner with my roommate’s girlfriend’s friend. It was okay. The place is really meant for trendy people to go sip martinis. Not really meant as a restaurant and their total of 5 tables along the wall is indicative of that. Dinner took a good 3 hours so we come home and I am bored so I whip up some fresh strawberries with syrup over shortcake. Oh and a glass of milk and I sit down to watch my favorite channel, the Food Network. My friend Martha is on.

So we hear a knock on the door. Mike is on the cell phone with his girl btw. Anyways we assume it’s his gf’s roommates who live in the same building since they are really our only friends here. So anyways, we are like come in. KNOCK KNOCK it comes again and we say “come in!” And the door swings open, a gust of Santa Barbara nocturnal wind sweeps in low. It carries with it a hint of sex. Like a new fragrance by Este Lauder called HOT DAMN. I wink at my Martha and mouth “I’m sorry,” apologizing for having to divert my attention away. I turn and look at the figure in the door way. Who was it? A HOT HOT girl. She just stands there with everyone’s favorite Mexican cervesa in her hand, a nice cold Corona. Behind her outside is another HOT HOT girl. We shall call her HOT HOT girl #2. They both just stand there and I am thinking it must be some sort of sign, like some weird sexual pause that I wasn’t aware of since my hiatus from the crazy SB lifestyle. I should have said “let’s go right now, my bedroom’s right there” but instead I ask “yes?” Again they just stand there looking at us. What are they waiting for? Should I take off my shirt? Flex my chest muscles? Hmm finally the leader speaks, “Hi, we’re your neighbors and just wanted to say hi.’ Then I looked up to the heavens and gave a “way to go big guy” wink at the man upstairs. I stand up and we all make introductions. Then I sit back down and now that awkward moment hits. They look at the screen and see Martha and a Japanese cook making some sashimi. They look back at me. Gay meter just went up 50%. I don’t know what to say next so I ask, “Do you want some strawberries?” Normally a very sensual fruit likely to invoke passion. But not when they just saw Martha on the screen. They say “no thanks!” Gay meter just went up an additional 25%. Then she asks, “So what are you guys up to?” Remember, this is a Friday night. No midterms, summer. Mike is talking to his gf and I am watching the food channel and eating strawberries and milk. I tell them about the birthday dinner and how we have to wake up early. Then they leave.

SO HOT! So unobtainable.



I think I am going to post even longer today. Let me tell you about yet another new insight into girls that I have discovered. The way you tell a girl is not interested in talking to you is if she answers your questions and throws the same ones back to you. For example:

David: Hi, what’s your name?
Girl: Nicole, what’s yours?
David: David, what year are you?
Girl: Senior, you?
David: Senior. Do you play any sports?
Girl: No, do you?
David: Not really.

So fellas, if you ever encounter that, back out right away. Don’t make the girl suffer. Or maybe, you should! 🙂


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