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Ok, remember this? Time for

Ok, remember this? Time for the next installment of the story.

My heart racing, I asked Faith what she thought of turtles. I didn’t want to be nosy, but I just had to know why she was walking it around Central Park. I think we both knew it was sort of an unusual thing to be doing. Struggling for any thread of normal human interaction, I discovered that she works part time at the Central Park Zoo, and apparently Jerome, the 143 year-old giant tortoise, needs to be walked twice a week to keep his shell limber. The turtle isn’t what was making me sweat like a small boy in a Turkish prison though. My mind kept flashing back to that horrible shiny object I had seen in her purse. I knew her crime instantly, and though I knew it would never make the papers, it did not make her any less ruthless.

Emboldened by my coffee (and the splash of vodka I had added when she looked away, presumably at the TV), I asked Faith if she was seeing anyone. She said that no, she wasn’t anymore, that she had recently broken it off. I wasn’t sure if she was referring to the relationship, or to her lover’s manhood that sat in the bottom of her purse.

For God’s sake, what kind of woman steals a man’s REMOTE CONTROL???? I could still see it in my mind, the shiny Sony Wega remote control, the lower handle wrapped in athletic tape and reading (as if in epitaph) Property of Robb Morton. What kind of spiteful, hateful woman would do that? My rage continued to build, and soon I could hear my thoughts bubbling over as my mind raced to reconstruct the pieces of the conversation she was having with me. I confronted her.

Faith stared at me with a bemused smile as I poured forth my near-religious sense of outrage at she had done to poor Robb. Her calm blue eyes winked at me twice as she gently said, “Jack, you truly are an idiot.” Normally I would have walked away, but there was something there, something that allowed my pride to say, “Continue.” Faith said, “Jack, I’m doing a sorority scavenger hunt. The last two things on the list were: steal a friend’s remote control, or sleep with a total stranger.” An eloquent, “Oh” escaped my lips. Faith tossed her blond hair back, inhaled deeply, and smiled at me.

She said, “Let’s go give this remote control back. I’ve decided on the second item on the list.”

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