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I Don’t Want It My Way

leaving empty handed

Sometimes I don’t even know what my way is!

I think Burger King started it all with their “have it your way” campaign but now everyone is following suit. It is almost expected now for companies to offer at least five color variations or a minimum three types of cheese for every dish. I appreciate that they are allowing this customizability but with all these options, the paralysis of choice creeps in. Case in point, my trip to Subway last week.

I have not been to Subway in over five years. I don’t like fast food sub shops and if I do eat at one, I prefer Quiznos. However, I recently saw commercials on TV advertising their new pastrami sandwich. I love pastrami so I knew I had to try it. I recruited my friend Sudip to go with me. He’s a regular there. Here’s how things went down

Me: Hi, I’d like to try your new pastrami sub

Subway Manager (SM): We don’t have pastrami.

Me: What?

Three huge signs in the window and two more inside advertising this new sub that just came out 3-5 days ago.

SM: We don’t have any pastrami.

At this point I am really confused. I haven’t been to Subway in a very long time so it’s not like I had a fallback plan. I don’t know what the “Big Mac” or “iced vanilla latte” of Subway is. People behind me are getting annoyed as is the Manager. He’s not used to people taking this long.

Me: How about your Chicken & Bacon Ranch. 6 inch please.

SM: What type of bread?

Wait, what? Ok here’s the weird part. Subway has a real menu; an actual listing of sandwiches they invented and gave names to. Items that their corporate chefs have invented that have specific ingredients. But this doesn’t mean anything because they want to give you choices. So now I am really confused because I don’t know what should go on a Chicken & Bacon Ranch. I squinted to make out more detail from the picture

Me: Italian roll please

SM: Cheese?

Wait, what?

Me: Are you asking if I want cheese or what type of cheese?

SM: What type of cheese.

Me: I have no idea. What cheese is supposed to come with it? What are my choices?

The Manager is not happy with me right now because I am the only customer who didn’t memorize their six types of cheese. He points to the sticker on the glass

Me: Umm I guess the Swiss?

Now I get passed off to one of the other workers down the assembly line

Worker: Lettuce? Tomatoes?

Me: Yeah, I guess

Worker: Anything else?

Anything else? What the? You tell me. What else is supposed to on this sandwich. I have no idea, so to play it safe

Me: No that’s it

I am ready to pay now and while the cashier is fumbling with the register, I look over to see what else I could have added. Six different condiment choices!

Let’s see what really goes into a Chicken & Bacon Ranch:

A toasted sub with all-white meat chicken breast strips, melted Monterey Cheddar cheese, crispy bacon, ranch dressing, lettuce, tomato, onions, green peppers and black olives served hot on freshly baked bread.

The sandwich I ended up with was a weak representation of this. I am afraid of going back.

| Photo by Will Lion via Flickr |

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